Sometimes I feel like I have to have it all together. Actually, since that’s the goal I feel like I should all the time and consequentially I feel like a failure because I don’t. My house isn’t perfect. My form of discipline is constantly needing tweaking. I don’t have the perfect come back to the snide remarks people throw. Speaking of the upcoming election, I don’t understand how our country got to this point. It would be laughable if it wasn’t true. SNL doesn’t need to do a parody of the debates because they’re funny on their own. Funny and simultaneously disheartening. I don’t know if I’m going to homeschool for the rest of my children’s schooling lives. Some days I don’t know if I can make it through the week. I don’t know if I will ever lose those 20 pounds I promise myself I’ll lose before the next family picture day. I don’t know what to do with the jute rug I bought that sheds all over the place. I hate it but it wasn’t cheap. I don’t know if we’re going to the beach as we had planned because there is an impending hurricane coming to the coast. Actually, maybe I know that one but I don’t know if we’ll reschedule before it gets too cold or hold off till next year. I could go on and on and on but you get the point right? There is so much that I don’t know.
I don’t know as many Bible verses as I wish I did but I’m working on that. I wish I remembered more from my theology classes from college. I wish everything wasn’t a debate these days so I don’t have to win these arguments…even if they are only inside my head. Is smoking bad? Should Christians drink alcohol? What kind of music most honors God? Is kneeling during the pledge wrong? Matt Walsh stirred up an old question, can a Christian be pro-choice? Ahhh, I think I know the answers to these questions. I’ve spent hours and hours and hours thinking about them and others like them. You know what dawned on me today? It’s not a new revelation but it felt new today. I don’t have to know it all.
I don’t have to have it all figured out.
I don’t. The end.
It’s good to know what I believe and why. I believe in teaching doctrine from a young age. It’s important. Everything else though, it’s okay if I don’t know it all. I’ll never know all there is about God but I don’t think that yearning for knowledge should ever stop.
I don’t have to win every breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate or cloth diaper/disposable diaper debate. I don’t have to have the debate in my head when I read one going on on the internet. I can scroll on. I don’t have to know the pros and cons of CIO/attachment parenting methods. I’m past that stage now and I don’t need to stay up to date on those debates.
I don’t know what the future holds but as cliche as it is, I know Who holds the future. I do. I’m intimately connected with Him. I can talk to Him anytime I want. No appointment necessary.
So what if my house isn’t completely clean? I have kids and I’m pouring my life into them right now. They’re constantly growing which requires me to change discipline methods sometimes. That’s a good thing and it doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. I’m just adapting to the situation before me. …and it’s okay if I do mess up. We’re human, right?
We don’t have to have it all figured out. We’ll learn as we go.